Posted by: Kristy | May 18, 2009

Next weekend I’m setting a second alarm

My family is chronically late. For everything. We are late for life in general. This is a poor habit I am trying to break in my adult years. My goal is to revert to the type of early I exhibited as an infant, when I was two months early being born. I almost died, but, you know, that’s the risk of showing good manners.

It seems for the majority of my life Sunday mornings have presented a larger problem than the rest of the week combined, especially in the realm of making it to church before we missed too much of the service and had to consider ourselves heathens the rest of the week. If we made it before the sermon started, let alone for the music in the beginning, we called it on time.

(For a time we — me, Dad and Brother — succumbed to the tempting attraction of Bedside Baptist, with Pastor Sheets and the Pillowcase Choir. Which made it difficult to worship with other people. But we got over it.)

Enter stage left into yesterday morning. I was visiting Columbus and we had decided to check out this new-for-us church in Dublin. We stuck to plan, getting up early enough to get ready and have breakfast so my coffee kicked in and made me functional by the time service started. (That’s just kind of the way I roll, unfortunately. But I’m not addicted, honest.) Left at a decent time and still managed to be four minutes late. Eh, no biggie, other people were walking in.

Oh, let me mention that this is a hu-ge, gorgeous, sunshine-filled Catholic church. Where I already only know some of the right things to say and do so I’m pretty much just following along. They kneel, I kneel. Is the sign of the cross right first with my left hand? No, left first with my right hand. I’ll just fold my hands and not do anything. Pretending like I totally know what’s up. You know, I love Jesus with my life and believe he died for me and is the only way to heaven. That’s really the crux of the matter. I figure I can’t go too far wrong when I’m with other people in agreement, even if there are some rituals with which I’m not yet familiar.

So, anyway, back to being slightly tardy. I totally would have been OK with standing in the back until a little usher-in-training came up and said, ‘Would you like to sit? We have some seats available on the other side.”

He was so adorable in his little suit and his nine-going-0n-30-year-old-man attitude. Sure, little guy, thanks so much. And his adorableness lasted until we started traversing up the main aisle closer and closer to the front. And pretty much disappeared when he gestured to invite me to sit. In the very first pew. That was for handicapped people. And I had forgotten to limp.

The entire way I felt my blush creeping higher and higher and sensed Dan behind me trying not to start laughing. All the while I’m sure a neon sign was flashing above our heads like the wise men’s star.

“Good morning.”
“Yes, we’re late.”
“Yes, good morning. Congratulations on getting a middle seat in the far right section.”
“Hi, sorry we’re late. Peace be with you.”

It puts a new spin on the phrase “walk of shame.”

We agreed that we liked it and totally want to go back, but next time I’ll just stand, thanks. Or shoot to be 10 minutes early.

I should probably plan on standing, not gonna lie.

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Responses

  1. HAHAHAHAHA. classic. a literal classic.

    my favorite: “In the very first pew. That was for handicapped people. And I had forgotten to limp.”

    you should seriously have your friends, church and work peeps tell you everything starts 30 minutes before it actually does with out you knowing…honest, i’m on the other side and it works! i have a close friend who is ALWAYS tardy; sometimes even an HOUR late to things. So my other friend and I decided to start telling her different times…haha…one time she actually showed up at the early time! INCREDIBLE!

  2. […] plan on being on time for church this […]


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