Posted by: Kristy | March 27, 2009

Remind me not to use this marketing technique

I have a problem with PT Cruiser cars. Namely, they’re ugly.*

The convertibles are redeemed slightly in having the added cool-factor points of a retractable roof, so the air-in-your-face feeling and the smell of freedom help detract from the rest of the car’s unattractiveness.


My personal favorite PT Cruiser is the “beaverwacker”, as we called it in the ’90s. The faux wood paneling slapped like bad basement paneling circa 1984 is like applying light concealer to a face blemish without blending. It only accentuates, not hides, the offending characteristic. But beaverwacker PT Cruiser cars at least provide a good retro-inspired chuckle. “Ah, those darn cars. When I was a kid people thought that was cool. Yeah, that’s right, little Johnny. They though it was cool.” “Awww, Mom, you guys were so stupid back then!”


But today. Oh, today, I saw the most hideous use of a PT Cruiser to date. I wish I could have snapped a picture of the real deal as evidence but that’s slightly dangerous when one is driving 80 mph northbound on I-75 surrounded by semitrailers and a very ugly car.

This metallic gold Cruiser reflected the sun back into my eyes with such force and sheen I had to take a second look. And then a third when I saw the slogan for a business emblazoned on the rear bumper. And the logo plastered on the driver side fender. With a telephone number and company name that didn’t register because I was too busy gawking at the car itself to make the effort to comprehend the too-light, cramped print.

The thing is, for customers such as myself this is a counter-effective marketing tool. Let me break this down via a proof:

A. In Kristin’s mind, PT Cruisers = miniature hearse

B. In Kristin’s mind, PT Cruisers = mob car

C. Mob car = bank robbery circa 1920

D. Bank robbery circa 1920 = Tommy guns

E. Tommy guns = death

F. Death = hearse (of the full- or miniature size)

G. Miniature hearse = PT Cruiser

Therefore, H. PT Cruiser = death

So, it appears that this company wants to be associated with death. Or the mob. Except that might not work because I think it was a type of medical supply company.

Not sure where the metallic gold color fits. Sparkly death, perhaps?

It made my commute that much more enjoyable, that’s for sure. Because there’s totally nothing else to look at on I-75 N.

* Hey, I made a commitment to tell the truth, you guys. 😉 Now Mini Coopers? Talk about adorable.



  1. Interesting; I associate Smart Cars with death, because they look like encapsulated motorized wheelchairs.

  2. hehe… funny. and eva’s comment about smart cars made me laugh out loud.

  3. I always thought PT Cruisers where ugly too. The car that I think is cool is the Honda Fit.


  5. Hey, if you have to go, I think Sparkly Death is a good way. 🙂

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