Posted by: Kristy | January 12, 2009

Nature has lost her maternal instinct

Ok, ok, ok.

You win, universe. That was quite a match, but you overcame my valiant efforts against the elements bent on defeating me for four months.

Also known as an Ohio winter.

My white flag of surrender flew at 11 last night after the third time I almost slipped and fell on my rear, my arms full. The third time I almost slipped and fell on my rear, arms full, while I made the trek from my car to my parents’ front door. All 25 feet of it.

My resolve began to falter the night before, when my car almost didn’t make it through the snow drifts on the street when I went to get a cup of coffee and listen to some music at a local coffee house in hopes of making a friend. Or at least sharing a smile with a stranger so I didn’t feel like a bum who had stayed inside cleaning her apartment ALL DAY. On a Saturday.

It chipped a little when I went to the Findlay mall book store and spent 10 minutes spinning my tires and manuevering in micro-moves (I think I made a 30-point turn backing out of my parking space) so I wouldn’t back into a car across the aisle from me. It was close, but I made it. Because my car is a monster.

Now, I realize my little 2002 Honda Civic EX, Herbie, is a beast — I mean, with that front-wheel drive and 6-cylinder engine and all, who wouldn’t be afraid of him — so the second-to-last dent in my armor was when Herbie almost got stuck AGAIN. In my apartment complex parking lot. In his little space. That he had just vacated only hours before so it was still relatively clean of snow. (I use relatively as a loose term.)

Apparently the City of Findlay doesn’t believe in plowing. At. All.

No, it’s more fun to make things difficult for the tiny girl in impractical shoes with a wimpy equally tiny car. I know, I know. I should wear practical shoes. But that would leave less fodder for ranting. And then where would that leave us?

So, Mother Nature, I think I need to give you a different name. I think you’re less of a mother and more of the mean younger cousin who is overweight and likes to throw spitballs and play mean pranks and make taunting faces behind Grandma’s back after being called “angel”. And is nicknamed “Schnookums.” Yeah. You’re THAT kid.

But it’s OK. Bring it on, Mean Cousin Nature. The next few months just make me appreciate sweet, young, cool and trendy Aunt Spring that much more.

But man, I can’t wait for April.

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Responses

  1. i love reading your blog… you’re so cute! sorry about your almost fall though. whenever we do manage to get together i’ll have some winter stories to tell you too. (one of them involves me breaking down ((emotionally, not the car)) in the middle of an intersection. It’s great.)
    PS-do double parentheses exist? they do now!

  2. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    I live in Florida… SUKKA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So take THAT!!!! 😀

    NO SNOW… almost no frost… in fact, besides the fact that I live in “WINTER HAVEN”… hehehehe, there is a town about 20 miles south of here called FROSTPROOF… and I’m not joking. Oh btw… enjoy your crummy NW Ohio weather MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!! The temperature here hasn’t gone to freezing in about 3 years. Did I mention the abundant sun? Did I mention it was 80 the other day?

    *the previous statement was intended to be read with intense smarmy sarcasm*

  3. […] tulips for $8.95!” the other part thought, “Nine degrees? Really? Really, Mother Nature Mean Cousin Nature? Nine degrees. Do you want me to lose toes to […]

  4. […] warms my heart, really. I take back the bitchy things I said about you last month. I’ll probably say them again when March brings more snow, but for […]


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