Posted by: Kristy | November 5, 2008

Greater than I can hope or imagine.

So, today I watched God answer one of my deepest prayers at this season in my life. One of those prayers where I have had to ask the Spirit to groan for me, deep in my core, because I have not had the words at certain points, after my tears had almost run dry. For months.

Literally, it unfolded in front of me. Not in the way I would have wanted or hoped for at all. But I did offer it as a solution a time or two when I was begging that something change in another’s harmful decision-making cycle — “God, I would rather A consequence happen than B consequence or C consequence.” Since it seemed that with the direction this situation was going something less-than-desirable was going to happen eventually. He chose A, thankfully. So, SO thankfully.

A prayer I even uttered last night, laying in bed in the dark alone with my thoughts and my concerns and my desires for my life and for the lives of those I care about so deeply. It’s not the cleanest answer. Because we are human and we make decisions and we sin, so there are consequences for our actions. But despite the consequences, God can take situations that seem dire and where it is as if every part of them sucks and turn them into solutions.

I’m pretty sure that’s what He’s doing here. It’s just crazy. I went to bed last night with no idea that today was going to happen. I’m so thankful it did, even though it also is causing heartache and trial for people dear to me. It’s like God had to take a 2X4 and do some smacking upside the head in a certain situation and those of us close to it are being hit with splinters. It’s OK, though. A few splinters are nothing in comparison with the blow from the 2×4. But I’m so sure healing and restoration will come after the initial lumps and bruises and lacerations.

I’m still in a spinning emotional wheel, from anticipation and hope to sadness and hurting simply because the part of me consumed by another person is sad and hurting. But I know He who is. And what He is capable of — and that He saves. Especially that He saves.

And He not only understands my inner groaning, He listens. Wow. Who am I, that He would not only listen but act? Who are we, is a better question? I guess it’s just that we’re His. That thought has been humbling me all day.

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