I hung up the phone with a curt, soft “Kay, ‘night.”

Flinging my Blackberry on the coffee table and burying my head in the couch cushion, I wrestled with the hot, aggrivated tears pressing at my eyelids with the force of the front row of a mosh pit. I got ready for bed an flopped back down to argue with myself.

You’re being a witch.

Shutup, it’s just been a long day. I’ll be better tomorrow.

You’re being totally unreasonable. Even if it’s only in your head.

I said shut UP. I don’t even know why I’m so exasperated. It’s just that every time I start to get settled inside, everything gets all jumbled up again.

Call back and be nice.

I’m not calling back. I’m going to bed. You’re gonna be quiet.

SIGH.

Tossing and turning, I started trying to sort everything out as God talked me to sleep. Emotions swirled around like a clothes dryer, hurt and uncertainty and frustration and fear tumbling together into a mess of self-pity. Minutes into my tirade I stopped ranting long enough to listen and three words slapped me back to shocked normalcy.

Love.

Is.

Patient.

..
..
..

Patient

Oh. Ouch.

A gift that is so difficult for me to exhibit or extend so much of the time, yet a gift I need exponentially from others. Especially from one person.

Like tonight. When I was being an unreasonable bitch, even if it only was on the inside. When I couldn’t see past my own self-focused thoughts and allowed assumptions to cloud my emotions instead of listening to someone who cares about me do nothing more than look out for my best interests. When I should have called back and been nice.

I’m gonna go chew on that for a while.